Monday, January 30, 2006

On Marriage and Love

I am, they say at the ripe age to get married and settled down. Candidly speaking personally I have never given much thought to the idea, I never found any reason to waste my precious time on such trivial subject.  . But, yes, at times the thought creeps in. Repeated persuasions can do the worst of the psychological damages.

As on my marriage all I know, its that internally I am resisting the idea. Logically speaking I am not prepared for it. For one, I am uncertain about my financial stability. Second, I am uncertain about the course of my future (which is because I am uncertain about my purpose and I am looking for something better). Third, I am not sure if I can sustain the burden of responsibilities, expectations and aspirations that come with the relations. Fourth, I do not think that any person will sustain with my eccentricities and vices. Fifth, I think I need time and as such I feel I’ve crossed the ripe age. 

So here in the black and white I can put five valid sound reasons why I am taking a break and deciding as of now against the argument. And if you note, I am uncertain about for all the important things that make up ones life and even a day and I am aware about that fact ! .

And I would appreciate if some one can give me five better reasons for any one to get married. Let me list a few that I get.

The only conspicuous argument that I have found is that one requires a long term partner to give you a shoulder when the ripe age is gone and you are just hanging on waiting for sands of time to wash away your existence (Bingo!), when you are crippled and senile. If that is the reason for which should get into that institution of marriage, I would better opt out (for that matter sometimes “drop out” is an alluring idea). But, picturing the future when you are incapacitated mentally and physically and are ever so lonely is the only strikingly naked truth that which sends butterflies fluttering in my stomach. But, tell me honestly, does this is argument sound appealing to base any of your decisions. Pragmatic it is, but, does it have even a slight pinch of passion. It does not. Here lies a choice and hence the trouble and you know which way I shall sway. And tell me why in gods name do they need a opposite gender bound to you to take care of you. Where will be the friends? (Off course crippled !). But does it not raise the question on the credibility of friendships!.

So is it love?. Here it is the most complex and yet the most interesting of the subjects. All though it is does not take great horse sense discovering that the correlation between marriage and love is not universal especially in India where the gender ratio is disappointingly pathetic. Any ways the question is Love does it exist? In my opinion yes it does. It is a wonderful feeling and those who are loved or are in love are the blessed one. Then the question is – is the how much of it constitutes in a marriage. Arranged marriages as is implied and for all practical reasons do not lay any foundations for marriage. In those it is nurtured later on. As I perceive your choice is too narrow, the decision is mostly based on long-term stability and security of the boy and the girl. For the couples it is driven by desires (-applies to predominately Indian males ), excitement, anxiety and to a little extent dreams, which off course like most things in due course of time get faded and the only residue is mutual responsibilities (good thing), and hidden sufferings to be passed on the progeny.

Do love-marriages constitute any love?. Yeah of course dude! .Then tell me if you were in love, then why marry? Is it because of the social norm- then why did they have this social norm? Was it a guarantee (a society cover how ever weak) against the social vices and insecurities that have crept in. And if at all it was to impose a moral obligation or a deterrent then why was such a deterrent required in first place?- to put it bluntly it was to put a curb on the most profound of human thought process ( for I refuse to put the way – to give stability to society and stuff). Most of all I think it is just a formality which comes with defined roles, freedom and responsibilities. And in the middle of all this pandemonium I think love-marriage is compromise made to assuage the society but nothing wrong with it after all if every ones happy whats wrong?. My point is I do not see any strong causal rational linkage between love and marriage. Still as for love it is a wonderful feeling, exciting and adventurous, you just do not know how deep the rabbit hole goes! ( Will give you a hint it goes to H ) . Still its worth a ride!

Finally, let us find the reason why this institution was ever erected. Eve is the culprit – right answer! and we are all here to suffer so why make another progeny suffer. Why pass on the punishment? As the agent said, Is the only purpose of human kind to spread like virus and consume all the resources?.

Anyways, the only meaningful idea I have found is that-life is a gift given by mother-nature and that this gift should be embraced and taken as it is. Agreed life is a gift and it is beautiful. The fact that remains in the oblivion is that, life in its entirety with all the profound human feelings, good or bad, is a gift and is beautiful if perceived that way. We were all born free and all free men/women/eunuch have their own choice. The only responsibility is do not infringe on other peoples freedom. I have a choice. And with out writing all the hogwash above I could claim, I have made a choice and I will exercise it on my whims and fancies.

I am not afraid lying old, shriveled, sick, tired, lonely and waiting. But I am scared of the pairs of wrinkled wet eyes that can change it all. I am the progeny.

Some one said, “Civilization, after all, is defined by what we forbid, more than what we permit”.

P.S: After a lot of deliberations I can tell you there is no friendship, love, marriage nothing- all you have is compromises, politics, bosses, sick work loaded Monday mornings.
More of the above discourses shall be continued……when I am waiting for the trucks to be loaded and dispatched.
Also, my apologies, if I have hurt the sentiments of any one. And also for people who might get influenced by my ideas- You need to visit a psychiatrist and if you find one giving therapy for free please do tell me.

Monday, January 09, 2006

10 of 50

Kick starting the day. Tried to call up a friend to wake him up and make him study for test. Good intentions but no response ( they seldom get ! ).

Finally in the early hours of morning I decided to go to market and buy myself a hands-free for the mobile. Once in chembur market I realized that I was too early, the shops would open only at 10.00, after wandering around for some time, I saw the shop keeper opening the shutter. Confidently I walked to him and inquired about whether he keeps the corded ear phone for Nokia. I realized the guy was so delighted, he had not even opened the shutter and the customer was knocking on the door. Quickly he lit the agarbati , parnams to Laxmi devi, I asked him , “ How much ? “ . “Rs. 250 only”, he said. Tickling with the wire, with out looking at him, I asked if he accepted Credit Cards. He did not say a word. I asked him again and he just nodded for a no. Reassuringly I asked him wheres the ATM and delighted he guided me to the one close by. Finally I came out of the shop, went to a Panwaddi, had 1 Gold Flake Lights, 4 Halls and 1 Rajnigandha Pan massala, shelling out 10 of 50 bucks in my pocket-the only 50 bucks I have in pocket, in bank and with friends also and like a king walked to the car and drove for work. I realized that’s what I have been rated in life 10 of 50, that s what are the odds in favor of me, that’s what my life is 10 of 50 !

P.S : Later in the night I watched Matchstick Men. A must see Con movie. The o Con movie that drags you so close to humane feelings and within fleeting seconds hits you where it hurts the most and reminds you of the truth- You have to reap what you have sown.


Sunday, January 01, 2006

Targets 2006

Originally ,I had planned to compile my targets and wishes for the next new year before this day, but as usual I am doing it at the last moment. I wanted to put some mind into it, but still, chalta hai. So lets get over with this is also.

Quarter I:

1. Savings 20 K, at least.
2. Concentrate on job.
3. Learning a lot more on photography and will try to take some exotic pictures . Put your dirty minds to rest. Something like early morning driving to Churchgate or priyadarshani park, or just to see the pretty females with flowers on their way to Mahim Church and hope that one of them shows me the way to laundry. Ahhhh..
4. Start exercising. I need it desperately. ( Even the cute friend is frowning on my paunch ) Hmm. Target reduce 5 kgs.
5. Seriously contemplating to join guitar class or some language class.
6. Lot many blogs to be posted.
7. Small vacation break to – either of three- Goa, Kerela, Kashmir. Any one interested do call me.

First quarter as an whole I foresee a lot of excitement and activities.

Quarter II.

1. Join either guitar class / language class. This should be a must. The whole thing has been in abeyance for quite some time, now.
2. Buy an iPOD
3. Savings to touch 50k.

Quarter III:

1. Quit the job.
2. Focus on CAT.

Quarter IV.

1. Buy a Laptop.
2. Chirstmas and new year break will definitely be out side Mumbai. Some place, some where beautiful.

All these to be reviewed on a quarterly basis of course, and also please note the plans are subject to changes at the owners discretion ( which is based on two variables of money and time ) . But any how I shall try to stick to the KRA as above. And make the new year as interesting as possible. And trust me many surprises shall follow ( I see the eyebrows rise. Its such a teasing thing- the surprise !! ) . May god be with me.


Wishing all Happy New Year

Rise and shine and welcome brand new year. Some will welcome it waking up pie-eyed and some with a fresh mind and heart. I am the unlucky one who is going to welcome the year waking up early and fresh .

I did not party yesterday night. After a long time, away from the howling crowd, dancing and partying over my head, I spent my new year in my small room trying to connect the net ( which of course did not connect ) and then sleeping. Not very exciting but I am just trying to find the silver lining.

No matter about the kind of celebration. I see this year as very important for a many of us. First, two of our colleagues are going to finish their MBA s and have already got the jobs. Our best wishes and congratulations to them. I am keen on seeing one of them married this year. I am sure he will not disappoint me. Best wishes for that also. As far as settling with life partners is concerned, I think many of us will be closing on to it or atleast the thought will start seeping in the minds.
A very few of us are going to give an entirely new direction to their lives, they all have best of my wishes.

Over all may this new year bring all happiness, success, stability and peace. Amen.