Suddenly I felt that some how I am drained of subjects to talk on to. Knowing my nature I can say that I was never talkative but I used to talk. Now, I do not even feel like it. Reasons are varied for this behavior, but, I reassure myself just like on most things in life- shit happens and forget it. But then the problem with reasonable men is that they keep finding reasons, mostly for trivial things in life. The conversation these days drifts something like this.
Me: “ hi boss how are you doing ?
Friend: “ Nothing yaar, bas chal raha hai, aur tu bata ..”
Me : « Kuch khas nahin, bas kat rahi hai «
Friend : « Aur kisi se baat hui ? “
Me: “ Nahin re… kafi din ho gaye “
Friend : “ Naukri chakri kaise chal rahi hai “
Me: “ Bass jab tak hai tab tak hai …bore ho
Friend : “ Kuch khas nahin .. college ki fees bhar di hai ..joining ka wait kar raha hu n… aur tu bol “
Me: “ Kuch nahin …aur bata “
Friend : “ Kuch nahin yaar pak
Me; “ Koi movie shovie dekhi …”
Friend : Nahin yaar…wahi sab ..repeat kar raha hun …chod tu bol tune ?
Me: “ nahin yaar, crash dekhi ti …achi hai ..nice one..worth it ..tu dekh le aur bol…”
Friend: “ Aur daru pani … ? “ . ( This is the only question where we have that resonating frequencies. )
Me ( joyously ): “ First class… tu bol . “
Friend: “ kuch nahin , tu bata “
Me: “ Kuch bhi nahin yaar…chal fir mein phone karta hun ..fir ..theek hai “
This conversation would be like for 15 minutes with teeny-weeny bit intermingled with certain gender issues, personal problems, privacy issues, garnished with the Indian abuses. But rest assured, the heart and soul are with good intentions, clean, clear, honest and dead.
The fact is sometimes I feel like that old man on the bar stool playing with his glass of rum and sitting silently. Numb.
Apart from the realization that I am no longer social animal, the amusing thing is that the people whom I am acquainted are not social animals too, but animals they are. But I must admit once in a while, you watch the cute friend talking to another cutie, you feel like talking, socializing, getting to know each other, that kind of stuff. And suddenly, you have smile. Ah, happiness !. But don’t be too expressive in front of cute friend, or else, you talk, she listens and then only she does the talking and you do the listening.
At the end of the day, all I learn is that there are some people have an eye for trouble and will trespass the prohibited zone at any given opportunity, the best thing for them is to remain silent. You engage in discussions, make mistakes and blow your cover. So as for me I take comfort in the fact that anonymity is a great strength. And while mostly silence is deafening sometimes its just pure bliss.