With great pain he opened his eyes, the scorching piercing beams from the sun blinded him with light. “I wish I would have lived in the blur of light and not haze. How cruel !”, he thought. Above the sky was blue with not a cloud in sight which would cover the sun and provide the little needed relief. He saw two vultures hovering over him, squealing and thirsty for his warm blood. He felt the beads of sweat and the sharp pain on the cut of lips. He put his tongue out and tasted his bitter-sweat some what tangy blood. “Couldn’t have been better eh?” He thought and smiled at the sky.
How could it come to this, How?, he wondered. He was lost in his thoughts. Even now, even at this juncture in his life the questions hanged on like a child’s nightmare. He commanded his senses, “for once for a little while, just shut up, shut up. But he could not have helped it. It held there like a mirror with the same old reflection of his youthful reflection”. And eh wondered, desperately, trying to find out answers to the Hows, whens and whys, at least now ?
He was supposed to be a fucking Super Man. How in the hell did he end up with his ass lying on the burning sand. And the moment he thought of it, he smiled at himself. The pain from the lips rushed like a thunder and sharply hit the brain, and he pressed his eyes close, just to forget and absorb the painfulness of every thing in life and smiled again. That’s your idea of courage and heroism. What a hero you are, who would suck it all up and yet manage to bring a smile at your burning thirsty stingy lips. That has been your stupid idea of bravery and salvation, he thought. Bloody masochist. And now like a helpless idiot you got to wait for it to end. Damn it!. How innocent and foolish you’ve been.
He saw a small kid standing underneath gazing up at the different bottles of chocolates, trying to make a choice. And he wondered it was only choice- that’s what he could not make in his life, but how could one have made it on chocolates and all the varied beverages. Just wishing he could have taste every thing that life’s to offer and gobble it swiftly before it was too late. And life since then was an formula one race, squealing, screeching, twisting and curling, but still grasping at every moment and grabbing the adventure. He wished, life could have stood still there in that moment under the shelves of chocolates and he would not have come under the gaze of vultures. Damn!. When did the road take this bloody turn?.
The hot wind blew over sands. He noticed his suffocation. Someone should have been there isn’t it ?. Damn!. The sands choked his breath. A little drop of water on the lips would do the magic, he thought. Just a lil wetness, and the feeling of feminie moist lips would have been awfully wonderful, but that’s a luxury he could never avail and perhaps never would. He moved his tongue over lips but to no avail, even the slightest moisture is dried up he feared. Its close. Very close. The pain had subsided. The bleeding had stopped. He was feeling slight shiver and he was scared that panic would soon take over.
“Isn’t is so bloody funny”, he thought. “It was not his moment”, he felt. He felt like he believed it. Banking all his thoughts that in a while someone would find him out. Someone across the sand dunes was destined to come and save his soul. What wrong he had done, Nothing?, at least the intentions where not malicious and deadly unlike those ideals of the cumulative human masses and there beastly selfish thoughts. Moreover he counted on his destiny which had never failed him to intervene, once again and just one last time, he wished he could gather the courage and pray for it.
Would it not been great if some pretty women find him in despair and shower her care and love and bring him out of his misery once and for all. Would it not be romantic and dramatic, he thought. Would it not be such a wonderful unique miracle he would so grandly share with his friends and loved ones, about all the adventures of little tom sawyer. Who lied dead in the Mangolian desert and then love found it s way to pull him out of his grave, he smilingly thought. And for a moment he even started making up and painting the beautiful pretty face of Liza Ray. And then her face flashed. The first girl in the school he put his eyes on. Such beauty!. Such innocence. Such confusion of mind. And the confusion lingered on. His eyes closed.
He could feel the a dried obstructing lump in throat. The panic was sinking fast inside. Some one has to come soon. Help was need badly.
Not like this! Not like this, the perturbed mind prayed. The brilliance of light compared the scorching heat of the sun. Shining with blinding whiteness till the eyes closed and tried to soothe itself in the darkness. He saw a child sitting swaying his legs, smiling, with brilliant, glittering eyes full of life and energy in front of him and then the regrets came in with a belligerent youth who with bitter insensitiveness walked out on his mother who always was with unbridled love and unfettered faith in him. Did he fail her innocent aspirations too?. How bad this is going to be!. But then he had given up on every thing on every one for it really doesn’t matter in this world. He knew the truth and eventually in every persons time, they shall know it too and had moved on in life. Moving on was the name of the game. He just wished every one would have peace in their lives and accept what life has to offer and let go of their fears and wander through the deep forests, through the river streams, across the desert and suck it all up.
The friends came in front of him. All those wonderful and cheerful people he had been with. How things changed for them too. So many stories were there to tell, few lived and many died. How they grew up like desperate bachelors and found girl friends and then eventually life partners. How sweetness in life came with its own tantalizing taste of life. And he recollected the day when they all sat on a huge table arrogant innocent on binge drinking. Pulling each others legs. Twisting every little incidence of day into a joke and those brooding heart broken lovers brooding on some unconcerned, indifferent shoulders- garnering hoards of sympathy, mutual pain and all the jokes for the next morning. And then the last toast to all those friends as mature gentleman with their devotedly loved life partners. When unconsciously life streamed the notes and tones of a melody and every one had something to relate to himself.
He felt the sharp slap of a wing on his face and nails screeched tearing through the skin and blood streamed into the eyes. It hit like a shot, like a bolt. He gained his sense for a while and thought “How something as silly as fate and destiny decides to snatch away life out from the worldly confines? Leaving nothing behind no faces, no memories, no smiles and no tears.”
His eyes rested over each other. The sun was still as ruthless as life could be and under it he lay there silently thinking to himself and mumbled the last verses he wrote :
How do you travel across the winds?
Will the wings lift or the thoughts will fly
Either way its all thy pride
Shade and light are no more surprise
Is that whats known as wisdom
Or is it just another truth about the lies.
In your love and anguish my heart cried
Oh dear shadow why did you lie
What happened to sown seed
Is that how a laughter dies?
A message from the far away skies
Swirling on winds traced the dying high
Hollow eyes found the smiling wise smile
The angels in the heaven cried
But the ones in the hell they all smile
The winds whispered gently
It’s the past, all that is
Do you now choose to die?
And he had no time to re work on "it"... damn!
How could it come to this, How?, he wondered. He was lost in his thoughts. Even now, even at this juncture in his life the questions hanged on like a child’s nightmare. He commanded his senses, “for once for a little while, just shut up, shut up. But he could not have helped it. It held there like a mirror with the same old reflection of his youthful reflection”. And eh wondered, desperately, trying to find out answers to the Hows, whens and whys, at least now ?
He was supposed to be a fucking Super Man. How in the hell did he end up with his ass lying on the burning sand. And the moment he thought of it, he smiled at himself. The pain from the lips rushed like a thunder and sharply hit the brain, and he pressed his eyes close, just to forget and absorb the painfulness of every thing in life and smiled again. That’s your idea of courage and heroism. What a hero you are, who would suck it all up and yet manage to bring a smile at your burning thirsty stingy lips. That has been your stupid idea of bravery and salvation, he thought. Bloody masochist. And now like a helpless idiot you got to wait for it to end. Damn it!. How innocent and foolish you’ve been.
He saw a small kid standing underneath gazing up at the different bottles of chocolates, trying to make a choice. And he wondered it was only choice- that’s what he could not make in his life, but how could one have made it on chocolates and all the varied beverages. Just wishing he could have taste every thing that life’s to offer and gobble it swiftly before it was too late. And life since then was an formula one race, squealing, screeching, twisting and curling, but still grasping at every moment and grabbing the adventure. He wished, life could have stood still there in that moment under the shelves of chocolates and he would not have come under the gaze of vultures. Damn!. When did the road take this bloody turn?.
The hot wind blew over sands. He noticed his suffocation. Someone should have been there isn’t it ?. Damn!. The sands choked his breath. A little drop of water on the lips would do the magic, he thought. Just a lil wetness, and the feeling of feminie moist lips would have been awfully wonderful, but that’s a luxury he could never avail and perhaps never would. He moved his tongue over lips but to no avail, even the slightest moisture is dried up he feared. Its close. Very close. The pain had subsided. The bleeding had stopped. He was feeling slight shiver and he was scared that panic would soon take over.
“Isn’t is so bloody funny”, he thought. “It was not his moment”, he felt. He felt like he believed it. Banking all his thoughts that in a while someone would find him out. Someone across the sand dunes was destined to come and save his soul. What wrong he had done, Nothing?, at least the intentions where not malicious and deadly unlike those ideals of the cumulative human masses and there beastly selfish thoughts. Moreover he counted on his destiny which had never failed him to intervene, once again and just one last time, he wished he could gather the courage and pray for it.
Would it not been great if some pretty women find him in despair and shower her care and love and bring him out of his misery once and for all. Would it not be romantic and dramatic, he thought. Would it not be such a wonderful unique miracle he would so grandly share with his friends and loved ones, about all the adventures of little tom sawyer. Who lied dead in the Mangolian desert and then love found it s way to pull him out of his grave, he smilingly thought. And for a moment he even started making up and painting the beautiful pretty face of Liza Ray. And then her face flashed. The first girl in the school he put his eyes on. Such beauty!. Such innocence. Such confusion of mind. And the confusion lingered on. His eyes closed.
He could feel the a dried obstructing lump in throat. The panic was sinking fast inside. Some one has to come soon. Help was need badly.
Not like this! Not like this, the perturbed mind prayed. The brilliance of light compared the scorching heat of the sun. Shining with blinding whiteness till the eyes closed and tried to soothe itself in the darkness. He saw a child sitting swaying his legs, smiling, with brilliant, glittering eyes full of life and energy in front of him and then the regrets came in with a belligerent youth who with bitter insensitiveness walked out on his mother who always was with unbridled love and unfettered faith in him. Did he fail her innocent aspirations too?. How bad this is going to be!. But then he had given up on every thing on every one for it really doesn’t matter in this world. He knew the truth and eventually in every persons time, they shall know it too and had moved on in life. Moving on was the name of the game. He just wished every one would have peace in their lives and accept what life has to offer and let go of their fears and wander through the deep forests, through the river streams, across the desert and suck it all up.
The friends came in front of him. All those wonderful and cheerful people he had been with. How things changed for them too. So many stories were there to tell, few lived and many died. How they grew up like desperate bachelors and found girl friends and then eventually life partners. How sweetness in life came with its own tantalizing taste of life. And he recollected the day when they all sat on a huge table arrogant innocent on binge drinking. Pulling each others legs. Twisting every little incidence of day into a joke and those brooding heart broken lovers brooding on some unconcerned, indifferent shoulders- garnering hoards of sympathy, mutual pain and all the jokes for the next morning. And then the last toast to all those friends as mature gentleman with their devotedly loved life partners. When unconsciously life streamed the notes and tones of a melody and every one had something to relate to himself.
He felt the sharp slap of a wing on his face and nails screeched tearing through the skin and blood streamed into the eyes. It hit like a shot, like a bolt. He gained his sense for a while and thought “How something as silly as fate and destiny decides to snatch away life out from the worldly confines? Leaving nothing behind no faces, no memories, no smiles and no tears.”
His eyes rested over each other. The sun was still as ruthless as life could be and under it he lay there silently thinking to himself and mumbled the last verses he wrote :
How do you travel across the winds?
Will the wings lift or the thoughts will fly
Either way its all thy pride
Shade and light are no more surprise
Is that whats known as wisdom
Or is it just another truth about the lies.
In your love and anguish my heart cried
Oh dear shadow why did you lie
What happened to sown seed
Is that how a laughter dies?
A message from the far away skies
Swirling on winds traced the dying high
Hollow eyes found the smiling wise smile
The angels in the heaven cried
But the ones in the hell they all smile
The winds whispered gently
It’s the past, all that is
Do you now choose to die?
And he had no time to re work on "it"... damn!
2 comments:
Did you failed ??? no ....do you have any remorse ...yes you do have but then the question that lies is it worth having remorse .....life lingers on and it will linger on without you or without me or as a matter of fact with anyone for evr and the residuals are insignificant is
what we all know ......so whats the point in carrying that burden of hell lota dead albatross on ur shoulders when you know that its an exercise in futility and is inconsequential .
Excorcise the ghosts from your past and remove the stains which you think that you are carrying on your soul coz what you think you are carrying on is a stain or a scar on your soul is nothing but something on which you are sticking onto or are glued on to .
Just sit a while and think about it all . I dont know what exactly is the matter but i know what it could be and i dont wanna discuss it here in the public domain.
Thats the reason which i explained to you that there are times even
when you want to express yourself via medium of your thoughts and
your writings but still you keep it in a such constant elliptical loop that your writing and your thoughts seem to be meaningless which most of the people will think it to be but then again there are few who will actually know that there is some deep pain inside you which you wanna scream and cry out but still you cant do it as you know that its
not worth screamin out and thats the time when you write in a
manner which appears to only few literates that actually the author is holding something back from the readers which is true per se our
discussion.
Well with your post and the discussion i know that there are issues and there will be issues but the thing which bothers me more is not the issues but the way you actually are carrying the burden on your shoulders , move on , life lingers on , i dnt know about the people who got grlfriends and who got their life partners and i dont give a
damn about it all not because i dont neither a girlfriend nor a life partner but simply coz i dont want either of them and am neither happy for these people nor i am jealous of them , am just indifferent without any feelings, the reason is probably i was never involved in any such vicious loop of so called happiness or a forward looking life , and
for them i dont have any hard feelings as well , they chose the path which they thought to be right and then treaded onto it , well for few that was not the path and like i said they didnt knew what their path was and they built a new path every time they were in a rot.
Well its time that you ponder over the things closely without involving yourself and may be you should think about it considering a neutral person in mind , without attaching any thing personal to it , may be you can go and talk your heart out to any starnger who does nt knows you and will give you an honest and neutral opinion about evrytthng.
But whats necessory is consider your life as your life alone and may be 2 other most important people attached with your life and apart from that nothing else should bound you up not even your friends and your loved ones , none is the bottom line . Go and pour yourself out where ever you think you can vent it all out coz i know you cant vent it out in the virtual world and probably you cant vent it out with most of the people that you know so do something about it .
Am not trying to teach or preach you anything , its just that time has always been hatching a conspiracy against us and somehow we always ended up being murphys favourite puppets and are already into those grey shades of area which neither belongs to the black nor belongs to the white , so whats the point in sticking on to something which is useless , i know that pain is the necessity of life and thats what exactly we create but believe me the status where we are in there is no need for anything external stimulant per se to feel that pain , you can
be perfectly in your senses and yet you can still feel a thousand nails piercing every vein of your body and slowly and slowly that numbness starts creeping in and what you do is you sit in front of the lappy and in a mechanical motion start punchin coz thats the only way out to vent a lil bit of whatever turmoil you are feeling is hitting hard on the wandering soul and mind of yours .
So thats exactly what i did as well by writing this piece of trash which doesnt makes any sense to me as well , but then heck i wrote it coz thats what i feel is a right thing for me to do .
And do onething pour that venom out which is getting accumulated inside yourown self for quite sometime . Pour it anywhere you want to else it will start poisoning your own body and mind .
and yeah do try to arrange what i have told ya " snorting charlie along wd a hot hot sizzlin.... :))"
~Rock~
Next Post Please!!!!!
Post a Comment